Sunday, June 03, 2007

These Are Then People in Your Neighborhood

I thought it might be fun for y'all if I introduce you to the cast of characters who share my study space with me. Apparently no one warned me about the animal magnetism I seem to possess with the weirdos, although from some of my past friendships I should have been tipped off. Honestly, I'm not quite sure how they find me, but find me they do.

First, there's the creepy old man who mutters things under his breath. Things like "I'm going to kill you" or "I hope you all die." Yeah, I'd worry more if he wasn't being chaperoned by a group of mentally ill elderly people and one custodian. Awww crap, maybe that's NOT a good thing.

Then there's the woman who believes the library is her office. She comes in and starts making calls on her cell phone "setting up appointments." (I should point out that as soon as you enter the library there is a sign that says cell phones are forbidden and use of them will result in the revocation of your library privileges) Little Miss "I do what I wanna" makes numerous calls on her phone before her clients start showing up. One after another after another. This goes on for several hours and she conferences with them at the table beside mine.

The computer section of the library is run by a little old man who seems to know diddly about computers. He's constantly getting in trouble with the patrons and the library staff because he doesn't know how to work the machines. He likes to come by and chat with me about the temperature of the library. (Why yes, I AM wearing a sweatshirt, gosh you're observant!)

There's also OCD Man. Now 1) I don't know that he really has OCD and 2) I am in no way making fun of people with OCD, but this guy is Strange (notice the capital S). He arrives at the library with one of those gigantic backpacks you use when backpacking across third world countries. Then he proceeds to unpack it. First comes a garbage bag which he places over his chair. Then comes another garbage bag which is wrapped around a mysterious giant box. The come multiple plastic bags, each housing various computer/stationary accoutrement. He unpacks the giant box to reveal, gasp, a laptop computer. He keeps his laptop computer in a giant cardboard box in a garbage bag. And this routine happens every day.

And because apparently the library is THE PLACE for little old men with nothing better to do, I am also well acquainted with Mr. Nosey. Mr. Nosey wants to know what you're doing. Why you're doing it, and whether you are a student or a teacher. I don't really know why that matters, but it apparently of great importance to Mr. Nosey.

And lest you think I'm the only one at the library actually doing any work, I should introduce you to Mr. PMBR. He walks around carrying his PMBR book and looking for people who have Barbri books. Mr. PMBR is NOT taking Barbri and he would like to engage you for hours discussing its pros and cons. In fact, feel those eyes boring into the back of your head? That's Mr. PMBR now since he seems to come around to chat every 15 minutes. Now, I'm no expert on the California bar, but I do believe that you might do better if you spend your library time actually, I dunno, studying?

I'm combining the last two because they're not individuals, they're groups. The first group are the people on cell phones. The second group are the hordes of teenagers who use the library as a place to hang out with their friends. Now, honestly, I totally remember when libraries were places where you had to be as quiet as humanly possible or some shrewlike woman with a tight bun and impossibly long nose would be over to "SHUSH" you. Apparently that is no longer the case. First of all, I am completely against cell phones in libraries, but if you MUST use one, maybe try using your library voice? I mean, cell phones were invented so you didn't have to yell across state lines to talk to someone. These people are not only using normal voice, but they're talking louder than normal. On the phone. In a LIBRARY! And apparently, even though there are signs, no one bothers to enforce them. (Why have rules if you don't have to follow them? Good thing I'm going to be a lawyer) And the kids. THE KIDS! What is ironic is that there is a coffee shop across the street from the library, but apparently delusional parents think that if they drop their kids off at the library with 10 of their closest friends they'll get homework done (Could you hear me snort over the internet? That's SO embarrassing). I know all about who's asking who to prom, Sally's new puppy, how we're not talking to Sam, how this girl won't stop texting David. I have yet to see ANYONE doing anything that resembles homework.

In addition to the library crazies, Jon and I have added another set to our neighborhood. We went out to dinner with Liz and Bill last night. It was our first date. I was nervous. I wanted to make a good impression. I got more nervous when Jon started drinking, not because he's an alcoholic, but because he doesn't drink very manly drinks. Now don't get me wrong - he loves his scotch, but on a regular basis, he tends to veer more towards, well, this:Nevertheless, I think we made a good impression. We went to Dave and Busters which guarantees a good time because even if you hate the people you're with there's tons of other distractions. Luckily we we didn't hate the people we were with, and we were all distracted by the same thing - Jon's girly drinks. We also played mad rounds of skeeball. Thank heavens they like skeeball, that's a sure sign you're good people. Welcome to the neighborhood Liz and Bill!


  1. LOL Kate I attract the weirdos too ....this blog made me snort more than once :)

  2. OMG. Too funny. I was already dead at the Magic Mountain old guy. And, for the record, PMBR guy is SO not passing the bar. That damn 91% pass rate likely includes peeps who took both BarBri and PMBR. PMBR is a joke. Don't waste your time or money on it!

  3. I laughed out loud readimg this amd I got smot all over my hamds.