Thursday, January 06, 2011

My dark, hairy, secret

My dad used to love to tell the story of the day I was born. His favorite part of the story was actually the moment I was born, covered in dark curly hair. He'd pause for dramatic effect and then continue.

"I turned to the doctor and said - Give her back to the zoo! This isn't a baby, it's a monkey!"

Luckily for me, almost all of that dark hair fell off. Except for the normal amount coming out of my head.

When that hair started to grow back during puberty, Thatmom reluctantly introduced me to shaving. It only took me 6 months to realize that the razor she gave me didn't have blades in it. When I pointed that out to her she sheepishly admitted that she didn't want me to hurt myself.

We've come a long way since then. Although, as an interesting side note, when Thatboy and I were still dating (and apparently far crazier than we are now) he invented an elaborate story about my parents being baboons.

No reference to my actual parents of course, but according to him, my real parents were a pair of baboons at the zoo. And he even had names for them. Names that became our own pet names for each other for a good couple of years.

In high school I had a friend introduce me to waxing as a quick and actually less painless route of hair removal. While I don't use it on large areas like my legs, I am a sure fire believer for more sensitive areas like my underarms.

And normally I get this done at my "waxing place." I even have a "waxing girl (woman. My mom would kill me that I'm calling a grown woman a girl.)" I love her. I visited her tonight which is what reminded me to share this whole saga with you. But the problem with my work schedule is, I'm pretty freaking busy. And not always around on the weekends. And so Thatboy suggested that he could learn how to wax. And I laughed and told my waxing girl expecting her to laugh too. But she didn't. She told me it wouldn't be such a bad idea. And that, my friends is how I ended up buying a jar of at home wax and teaching Thatboy how to take care of his woman. It is also why I am currently sitting in a sticky spot on the carpet from wax that will never harden. It is also why I visited my waxing girl tonight.

I'm not sure that there's really a moral to this story, other than maybe we all need to take care of our inner monkey. Which means every now and then you need to give in to your primal urges (primate/primal, it's all the same, right?) And so I bring to you a burger recipe. But not just any burger recipe. I took a page out of my dad's cookbook, he who believed my real father was a gorilla. All his burgers had a bit of an Asian flair with hoisin and soy sauce and that's kinda the burger I grew up with. This is also a burger recipe topped with some of my favorite things, sauteed mushrooms and onions. Interesting point of fact - for the most part I only like cheese on my burgers if they also have sauteed mushrooms and onions.

Mushroom Onion Cheeseburger
1/2 lb ground beef
1/2 tsp ground pepper
1 1/2 Tbsp hoisin sauce
1 Tbsp soy sauce
1/2 Tbsp canola oil
4 oz mushrooms, sliced
1/4 cup sliced onions
2 slices provolone cheese
1. Combine ground beef, pepper, hoisin sauce, and 1/2 Tbsp soy sauce. Form into 2 patties.
2. Heat canola oil in skillet over medium high heat and saute onions and mushrooms in soy sauce. Remove from pan.
3. Cook patties until they are cooked through. During last 2 minutes of cooking, put provolone cheese on top of burgers.
4. Serve burgers on buns and top with mushrooms and onions.


  1. Great story That Girl. I believe my dad said pretty much the same thing when I was born. "Why do all of our kids look like monkeys".I do get primal often and love a juicy burger.

  2. I am impressed that ThatBoy wanted to help you wax. And also that you let him try. That's love right there.

    Eating a burger. Primal urge. Exactly my feelings.

  3. I am smiled as I read this post...Cheers to you That Girl! Cheers to that fabulous hamburger too.


  4. Great post. I love that your mom gave you a razor without a blade. Hilarious!

  5. Ok - I'm kind of freaked dad tells a similar story about me looking like a monkey at birth. But..his story ends with something like, "...and then the doctor says...congratulations -- you have a baby monkey".

    But I kind of doubt the doctor would say that.

    Oh -- I see Val has a similar story.

    There is no way I would let R come anywhere near me with wax.