Monday, April 06, 2015

Mommy Mondays: 31 Weeks

I was at a party this weekend when one of the older women asked me if I knew what we were having.  I told her I was waiting and her response was "Good for you.  When I was pregnant that's the way it had to be.  We never knew until the baby was born, and we managed just fine."

That's the opposite of the response I usually get when we tell people we're not finding out the sex before birth.  Even my doctor made a remark that I needed to find out because "If they don't tell you, they don't tell me!"  and "Don't you want to go through Thatkid's stuff and determine whether you need to go shopping?"  When we were pregnant with Thatkid, Thatboy's office made a big point of not throwing a party to celebrate because he wouldn't find out the sex.  They threw one for his coworker due the same week who knew a girl would be arriving.

The comment I get most, and the one that really gets under my skin is “Oh I could never do that – I’m a planner.”   Really?  YOU'RE a planner?  If you look up Type-A personality in the dictionary you'll probably find a picture of me.  But why can't you plan for a baby without knowing the sex?

A baby's needs are very basic.  A place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear, and a safe way to travel.  

A Place to Sleep - So I get the idea that you want to decorate the nursery, and even though I roll my eyes at pink pink pink for girls and shotguns on the wall for boys, I even understand wanting to decorate based on the sex of your child.  But almost everyone I know doesn't use the nursery at first.  Since the whole "room sharing decreases SIDS" thing, most people room share at first.  Which means that nursery that HAD to be done before the baby comes isn't even getting used.  Meanwhile, me, the woman who can't plan because I don't know the sex of my child, uses the nursery from the first night home and has no problem decorating it in a gender-neutral style.  (Although I may also be a lot open minded about what gender neutral means since this kid is getting a rainbow colored nursery no matter the sex.)

Food to Eat - Come on.  Someone give me an argument as to why you need to know the sex for this?

Clothes to Wear- This is the big reason I hear people NEEED to know the sex.  Because "white clothing is so boring."  (This again may be related to me not being closed off in the terms of gender neutral) I had no problem filling Thatkid's wardrobe before he was born without knowing his sex.  The only color that was really off limits was pink.  Reds, oranges, yellows, greens, blues, purples, browns, blacks, greys, and whites hung side-by-side in his closet, just waiting for a little boy or little girl to fill them.  Sure I couldn't buy any tutus before birth, but trust me, you're not dressing your baby in tutus the first week or so anyway.

Safe Way to Travel - Even if we had known the sex, because I'm such a planner, we wanted a gender neutral car seat and stroller anyway.  I know too many people who threw themselves second showers because they got all pink things the first time around that they didn't want to use for their precious baby boy coming along next.

Plus there are all the benefits of not finding out:

  • The nurses in L&D love couples who don't find out.  At least they did in our case.  Granted we were in the hospital for days and days during my induction, but every nurse wanted us to give birth on their shift so they could find out.  They were all so excited for us and we were the talk of the floor.  And when they came on again for their next shift, they came up and visited us and Thatkid, to find out the sex and the name.
  • Finding out at birth is really really dramatic and emotional.  It is very exciting to find out at 18/20 weeks, but when you give birth, your body surges with adrenaline, oxytocin, and other hormones which makes hearing the news much more....climatic?  I want you to think about the best day of your life, and all the happy emotions you felt.  Now imagine that right after, you get a phone call saying you've won the lottery.  It's great to win the lottery whenever, but since you're already so happy, finding out just pushes that excitement over-the-top.
  • I'm a far from a romantic, except, for some reason when it comes to this topic.  For me, it was also a really emotional thing to have Thatboy "know" something first.  I was the first to know we were pregnant.  I was the first to feel a connection to the baby.  I was the first to feel kicks.  I was the one experiencing everything while he waited by the sidelines for 9 months.  But finding out the sex at birth meant he got to experience something first.  He got to tell me something really important about our child that I didn't know.


Total weight gain/loss: +18
Next Appointment: April 10
Maternity clothes? I was in court all week, so maternity all week - I'm making so much use of my maternity suit jacket!  Pairing it with maternity suit skirts, suit pants, and even dresses!
Stretch marks: Thatboy pointed out today that he thinks I've got some on the front of my stomach.
Sleep: Not so much.  Next month!
Best moment this week: I was in the bathroom at court when a woman washing her hands next to me told me I have an adorable belly.  Which felt good because I feel gigantic and hardly adorable.
Movement: This kid is crazy crazy crazy. I actually got called out in court by the judge because I was trying to move the kid away from the spot on my side where I am sure I even have an internal bruise.
Food cravings: Nothing
Food aversions: Nothing
Gender: Not finding out
Belly Button in or out: In.  But it never popped last time, so I'm not expecting it to this time.
What I miss: Sleep.
What I am looking forward to:  Friday's appointment means I get a little early night at work!
Contractions: None this week
 Milestones: 
- Baby has reached the length s/he will be at birth!
- Skin is beginning to look pink instead of red.
- Head control is improving.
- More complex and stronger movements are possible.  (No joke)

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe your doctor said that to you!! Shouldn't he/she be able to read the ultrasounds also?

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