Thatboy and I waited 5 years after we were married to start trying to grow our family. For us, we wanted to wait until we were ready. Mostly, I wanted to wait until Thatboy was ready. Adding a third into the mix changes things up and as much as babies are amazing, if you're not prepared for those life changes, it can be really hard.
The day after Thanksgiving, we went out to breakfast with the family. UDubb and I sat next to each other and were talking about new mother stuff. Her best friend is due in January and we were discussing how different your life is once you bring a baby into it.
We both agreed the stupidest thing people warn you about is the lack of sleep. Yeah, sleep is different with an infant, but after a couple weeks, you really get used to it. It's not the biggest change in your life.
For me, the biggest change had to do with free time. It becomes virtually nonexistent. If you're home with the kids, it's not like you're sitting and watching television. Most of your time is dictated by the schedules of your little one. And I give a serious side-eye to anyone who expects to come home to a clean house and a hot meal when their wife is home with their infant child. It's hard to get things done with a baby. If you're working, you're usually racing home to pick up the kid, take care of dinner, and get them to sleep. Those hours after work before bed become minutes once everything is said and done.
And then there are the weekends. I can't speak for everyone, but for me, there's no time after work to run errands or pick something up, which means everything has to be done on the weekends. Cleaning is also a weekend job. And of course, as your child ages, there are a million activities in the weekend. Playdates, birthday parties, swim lessons, the works. Have a free weekend? Excited to spend the day lounging on the couch? Not so easy when you have a kid who doesn't really want to just sit on the floor quietly coloring.
Before we had a child, I told Thatboy he had to be done being selfish. It's not just about you anymore. So my number one recommendation for those thinking of having a child is to make sure you're ready to share your time. And give up those lazy weekends!
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I totally agree with you. Free time is non existent and both parents have to adapt. The most stupid thing I have ever heard is that a baby can bring together a couple with problems. I think that having a baby while you have problems with your partner will only make things worse!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely agree. I have moments where I do things I used to do pre-kids (like go out to a nice restaurant and have adult conversations or relax uninterrupted). It doesn't make me so over-the-top happy that I am disappointed to not be able to do it much anymore.
ReplyDeleteThe dumbest thing I hear people saying that my baby is trying to manipulate me to justify not responding to a crying baby.
I already know that this will be the biggest challenge for me when having kids. I do love my "me" time! But knowing that you still make time to go on runs and have some time for yourself is definitely heartening!
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