When I was dating Thatboy I had an epiphany related to our relationship. A moment where I just knew I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
I didn't have any of those kind of feelings about having a baby. No bright light moments of realization. No "knowing." Don't get my wrong, that biological clock thing is no joke.
But just because your body is saying "hey, you should start thinking about kids" doesn't mean you're actually ready.
There are some who say you're never ready to have kids. That you're never secure enough in finances, relationships, jobs. These people will tell you to just go for it. In my opinion, being "ready" is more psychological than anything else. I mean, of course it's important to be able to financially support your future family, but the real question is, are you ready to change your life? Because having kids means that for a long time there will be no more leisurely strolls through the mall. No more spontaneous weekends away. No more sleeping all day Sunday, waking only to spend the day in bed.
I was less concerned about me than I was about Thatboy with the being ready thing. I'm fairly selfless as it is, usually bending my wants to those around me. But it was important to me that Thatboy wouldn't resent the new addition in our lives. The new addition that would mean less going out to restaurants and movies. Less traveling worldwide for a bit. Less sleep.
But going back to my first sentence, even thinking we were ready didn't prepare us for how many sacrifices you make as a parent. Little things you don't think about, like sleeping in, or being able to stop at the store on the way home from work. So how do you know you're ready to be a parent? About the same time you realize you're ready to make big sacrifices, without even knowing what they are.
I don't know when the moment hit me that I was ready for children. I just remember that I WAS. I remember thinking "you know, this is great... but how awesome would it be to share my life with a child of our own"
ReplyDeleteI think the bigger question for me is "how do you know when you're ready to have your second child?" THAT was a bigger decision and thought process than it was for our first child. So many factors come into that.
Very very well said. I joke about wanting to have kids yesterday, but in reality I know I'm not quite selfless enough yet. I love my "me" time a little too much.
ReplyDeleteYou are right...there is no perfect time to have kids. At some point, if you want to have children you just jump on the bandwagon and do it. The journey that your children take you on, is a lifetime journey with peaks, and valleys, twists and turns. What an amazing ride it is-
ReplyDeleteyou do what you have to do and when your kids are your age, independent, happy and caring you can look back and say life is good.
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