Medieval Time of our Lives: Orange Pineapple Ham

When I first came up with these "pandemic adventures" I made a nice long list and one of my friends laughed when I told her about it - "You won't need all of those!"  I agreed with her.  Obviously we'd have this Covid stuff well underhand by June, but it wouldn't hurt to have a long list.

The original plan for the shut-down was for us to get testing and tracing procedures set up and implemented.  Who would have ever guessed that something so simple, and something this country has done before to prevent other pandemics, would turn into a political nightmare with politicians fighting healthcare workers, scientists, and healthcare systems to prevent us from getting that system set up.  And so the months passed, June came and went, and that list that wasn't supposed to be necessary?  Well it sure came in handy.  

But I hadn't planned for it to last past the summer.  SURELY we'd have things under control by the fall, when kids would be returning to school and I wouldn't need to entertain my children to make up for the fact I couldn't interact with them at all during the week.  But those same problems we faced in April and May dragged on, got worse, and instead of focusing on that testing and tracing or even keeping the community spread down, we opened bars, restaurants, golf courses, and hair salons.  We were not going back to school.

I honestly haven't had the time to sit down and make another huge list with work ramping up (But I guess I know what my plans are for Labor Day!), so I asked each child to pick a theme for a weekend day and help come up with some ideas.  

Thatkid came up with a Medieval Day.  Basically he wanted to play knight, with sword fights and dragons.  

So we started the day by turning ourselves into knights.  I know enough about my kids to know that sword fights would be a terrible idea.  But jousting?  That sounded like a safer bet.

So we made lances out of pool noodles, and shields out of cardboard.

I ordered the biggest, craziest, ball-hoppers I could find and the kids mounted their steeds.   They started on opposite sides of the yard, and had to "ride" toward each other.  They had a single pass to strike the other with their lance in the chest.  

As an aside, these balls have gotten a lot of use since that day.  They are very popular as pool toys for some reason.  And the kids also use them to run into each other and fall backwards.  Somehow this is called "playing KC Undercover" although I have never seen anything like that on the show.

When we talked about food, Thatkid had come up with the idea of meat and bread.  I expounded on that a bit and made us a giant charcuterie plate with fruit, meats, cheese, and a loaf of bread divided between all of us.   This, my friends, was Thatkid's favorite part of the day and he has declared it his favorite meal ever and asked if we can have it more often.  

We ate on the floor, drank cider from copper mugs, and used our hands - since there were no forks in Medieval Times.

One of the things Thatkid REALLY wanted to do was "dragon yoga."   So after lunch, our knights met up with a dragon.

And then made their own version.

The last knightly skill they needed was music, and so we made lutes and had a concert.

After all that hard work, jousting, fighting dragons, making lutes, it was time for a promotion.  We made crowns and had a coronation, complete with coronation feast.

The kings were back on the floor, with more meat, more bread, and some of Thatkid's favorite vegetable - brussels sprouts.

While a roast beef or chicken might have been more historically accurate, I wanted something that wouldn't be too messy when eaten with your hands.  And ham seemed like a very plausible meal that would have been eaten, since pigs and boar were both animals eaten back in those days.

It also makes for great leftovers, on it's own, as sandwiches, or thrown on top of pizza.  

Orange Pineapple Ham

1 orange, sliced

1 red onion, sliced

1 pineapple - halved at the equator

1/2 cooked boneless ham

12 oz ginger beer

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 tsp soy sauce

1. Preheat oven to 375. Take half the pineapple and cut into slices.
2. Place slices of pineapple, orange, and red onion at the bottom of a roasting pan.
3. Place a rack ontop the sliced fruits/onion and place ham, cut side down, on top of the rack.
4. Score ham with a diamond pattern and pour 4 oz of ginger beer over the ham.  Cover with foil and bake for 1 1/2 hours.
5. Place the remaining half of pineapple and 8 oz of ginger beer in a blender and blend until smooth.
6. Transfer the pineapple-beer to a saucepan and stir in the brown sugar and soy sauce.  Simmer until reduced to one cup (about 40 minutes).
7. After the ham has cooked for 1 1/2 hours, remove the foil and brush 1/3 of the glaze over the ham.  Cook for an additional 15 minutes uncovered.
8. Rotate the ham, brush 1/2 of the remaining glaze over top and cook for another 15 minutes.
9. Brush remaining glaze over ham and bake for 15 more minutes.  Slice and serve.