Running Around

So our brilliant plan to get Thatmom down to San Diego didn't work out so well, so on Friday night we once again headed up to her. We have a pretty standard routine that involves us eating a quick meal while we discuss our plans for the weekend, then the three of us curling up on the couch and watching Dollhouse. I think Thatmom watches it because she thinks Thatdad would have liked it, the same reason we watch Castle on Monday nights. It makes me so sad that he never got to see any of these shows. He was such a television fiend - which I attribute to the fact that he never got to watch tv growing up. His father died when he was 7 and he started working shortly after. Their brand new house now has a television in every room, so he never had to miss out.

On Saturday morning we were up at the crack of dawn as usual. Thatboy needed a haircut, so we all headed in to Orange for Breakfast at Watsons.

My boring ole eggs. Really, all I wanted was the biscuits...


Thatboy's eggs and bacon. You can see they are more than generous with the potatoes here.


Thatmom's super healthy eggwhites and fruit.


Thatboy is slightly less healthy. He actually had this chocolate ice cream soda BEFORE breakfast arrived. Good thing we were with my mom and not his.

Then Thatmom and I ran some errands while Thatboy got his hair done. After we headed over to AAA for some title changes and registration renewals. That place is a zoo on Saturdays! Thatbrother and UDubb took a break from their constant studying to meet us at the movies where we saw The Soloist. All of us really wanted to see it, and it didn't disappoint. Thatmom loves movies that provoke discussion and afterwards we got into a great one about homlessness and mental health. Thatmom's background with medical compliance and my own research on legal rights of the mentally ill added a layer that I don't think Thatboy was prepared to deal with. As Thatmom said, it's probably very difficult for him on the weekends to be surrounded by women telling him what to do. Of course we had to stop off at Red Mango to try out their new flavor, Tangomonium. They were giving out a free smalls with 1 topping on Saturday and there was no way I was going to miss free Red Mango! And because Thatmom is allergic to mangos and no one who worked there seemed to know what was in this new flavor, they gave her a free pomegranate yogurt instead.

I thought the new flavor was alright, and maybe good for a change of pace, but it was starting to be a little sweet for me, veering more toward the regular kind of frozen yogurt. And I don't blame the employees for not knowing what flavor it is, we had a hard time pinpointing it too. I kept getting peach and pineapple. Thatboy thought it might be passionfruit and pineapple. It's billed as being citrusy.....I think it would actually be pretty good swirled with the original.

We went back to the house and I whipped up some more jambalaya before Thatboy and I piled back in the car and headed home.

This morning I woke up extra early for my first race in months. In general I like to run every month, it's exciting and I like the adrenaline rush. Plus I like having short goals so I can feel a sense of accomplishment. But between traveling for the holidays and the blur that has been the past few months I haven't been able to take part in any events. Last June I found out about the Race for Literacy 8K and I've been itching to do it ever since. I mean, how many 8ks do you know about? And this one is the second largest in the nation. I've really wanted to run it and I didn't want to wait till next year, so even though I've been woefully out of commission because of my back I figured I should run anyway. I mean, it's not even 5 miles - I can do that!

I really love the races in San Diego - the courses are always SO much fun. One of the reasons I wanted to do this run was because it's a Balboa Park run which are my favorite kind. I love running around the park and then they always close down a portion of the freeway for us to run on also. I love running on the freeway. I always wonder what the cars on the other side are thinking as they pass us. Because this run was longer than the typical Balboa Park 5ks, they also closed off most of downtown and we got to run on some of the main streets, which is also very fun. I love that the race doesn't double back on itself and there is always such neat scenery to see.

The first mile was really difficult for me. The first mile is usually the worst for me. It takes me a little bit to get into the rhythm and as anyone who has run with me can tell you - I have pace issues. I run WAY too fast in the beginning, keeping pace with whoever is beside me. When I hit the first mile marker and realized how quickly I had done it, I made myself slow down. By the time I hit mile 2 I had found my stride and from then on it just felt good. When I was at 3.4 miles I realized I really sell myself short by only running 3 miles in the morning, so I think I'm going to start upping that.

My only regret is that I ended up running it faster than I thought I was. I was counting on being pretty slow since before last week it had been about a month since I last ran so I created an 8K playlist that was an hour long, with the most high energy songs towards the end when I thought I might need them. But I finished before my playlist, so I didn't get to hear all my songs! I made Thatboy listened to those songs on the way home as I sang into the banana he greeted me with at the end of the race.

We decided to take it pretty easy for the rest of the day, so we went home so I could shower and then headed out to breakfast at Crepes and Corks. We were feeling like a French breakfast and the best one isn't open on Sundays so Crepes and Corks is a good substitute. It's small and filled with locals at tables of varying heights. It's also close to our place which makes me happy. I love the selection of drinks - arranciata anyone? I like a protein heavy meal after a race, and Thatboy didn't get a banana and had been up for almost as long as me so he would have eaten just about anything.

Thatboy's bacon, egg, and cheese crepe. Anyone noticing a trend here with bacon and eggs? I think Thatboy would live off of bacon if I'd let him.

My ham and brie crepe, that's basalmic vinegar drizzled on top. The ham was salty, the brie was sweet, and I ate the WHOLE thing - which is pretty unusual for me. But I also don't usually run 8ks. We brought home one of their fantastic red velvet cupcakes and curled up on the couch together. We watched a movie, took a nap, and did a little online shopping for Thatneice and one of my many babies to be born in the next few months.

And for those of you who run, I'll share with you my 8k playlist...at least the portion that I actually used.

• You Know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse (I thought this would help my pace start slow...it didn't)
• Bad Things - Jace Everette
• Ohio (Come Back To Texas) - Bowling for Soup (Now we're starting to pick up the pace)
• Perfect Situation - Weezer
• Short Skirt and Long Jacket - Cake
• This is How We Do It - Montell Jordon
• Last Name - Carrie Underwood (When this song came on I was just hitting the freeway and it gave me a surge of energy)
• Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps - Cake
• Wake Up Call - Maroon 5
• Paralyzer - Finger Eleven (Best line? I wanna make you move/because you're standing still)
• Stronger - Kanye West (Best line? That that don't kill me/can only make me stronger/I need you to hurry up girl/cause I can't wait much longer)
• How Far We've Come - Matchbox 20
• Los Angeles is Burning - Bad Religion
• A Friendly Goodbye - Bowling for Soup
• Pain - Jimmy Eat World (What a great song to finish to. I usually put this somewhere in the middle of my playlist, but it ended up being the song I crossed the line. It's true, it really does "take my pain away.")

I got nothing

Today was pretty blahhhhhhhh. Did a little work, picked up some groceries, and heated up some leftovers. We'll be in front of the tv for the rest of the evening and while I'm sure you all would be RIVETED by me liveblogging through Parks and Recreation I don't think it would be my most productive use of time. After all, Thatdog has destroyed another teddy bear which means I need to spend my precious commercial time vacuuming.

Instead I'll leave you with some vital updates from the world around you.
1) The trailer for Julie and Julia is out!!!! I'm VERY excited about this. See, in general I am sorely disappointed in books turned into movies. From Jurassic Park to In Her Shoes. The books are always so much better. And I really loved this book. I connected with the Buffy watching, apartment cooking, blogging heroine and connecting to a character makes or breaks a book for me. I have no doubt that the movie won't be as good as the book, but I still think this movie is going to be PHENOM! Thatmom and I spent a good portion of an evening a few weeks ago waxing philosophic about how wonderful Meryl Streep was. And her and Amy Adams already proved how well they work together in Doubt (which is every bit as wonderful as the play). Speaking of which - anyone else notice that Amy Adams is the "it" girl of the year? She never stops working!



2)Continuing on my "books turned into movies" trend - I took Laura's advice to look up the book "Stardust" and imagine my surprise that it's written by the same guy who wrote "Coraline"...which is the movie we saw instead of "Confessions of a Shopaholic" another book turned movie I wanted to see. But back to the story. So it turns out that they're making a musical of Coraline! It opens next week in New York. And the music is all by Stephin Merrit!!! You don't know who Stephin Merritt is? I'll give you a little taste.



I hope that it does really well and gets picked up and then goes on a national tour!!!!

3)My fun legal fact of the day comes from a case I read - who says judges are out of touch with reality? "When anger and alcohol intersect, unfortunate results can ensue."

I got an email from my dad yesterday -

except obviously it wasn't from him. It was a forward from my mom, from his email address, but nevertheless my heart jumped to my throat when I saw it. Realistically I know it can't be from him, yet somehow there is still that feeling of hope that maybe in some miraculously way it is. That I'll open it up and feel his humor and warmth. Thatmom and I joke about what kind of message he would send if he had access to the mail system or email, but in reality neither of us is really sure what he would say if he had the chance. Seeing an email from him is a reminder all over again of how I won't be getting his quick notes checking in on me because he hasn't heard from me for a day or two.

I've been incredibly stressed, anxious, and irritable this week, so I decided this evening would be a good time to pamper myself a little bit. Especially since Thatboy was going surfing with one friend and then out for drinks with another, leaving me the evening to myself. First stop was Bloomies for the Lancome bonus. I picked up some new mascara I was in DESPARATE need of (I swear by the Definicils high definition) and I got all these goodies!:

(That's a pretty summer tote - perfect for the beach or pool, sunglasses, Crème Radiance Clarifying Cream-to-Foam Cleanser, Eye Shadow Quad, Virtuose Mascara, High Résolution Refill-3X Anti-Wrinkle Cream SPF 15, and Juicy Tubes Lip Gloss!)

Then it was off to the nail salon for a mani-pedi. The last pedicure I remember getting was in September, and while I'm better about manicures it has still been quite a few weeks and I more than needed it. I went suitably dark and moody on my toes - OPI's Lincoln Park After Dark which I discovered this summer - and am probably the last person on Earth to make that discovery. Thatboy HATES it because it's so dark. I can't be quite as dark on my nails though, so in my typical mutipersonality way I stuck with a nice neutral - Essie's Limo-scene. I love it because it looks white in the bottle, but on my nails it's a nice pale pink that looks just a little cleaner than natural.

I got home JUST in time for Top Model and since I obviously can't be distracted from that I needed something quick for dinner. I had found a package of Lipton Spanish Rice in the pantry the other day when I was fishing around for tomato paste - I have no idea how long that's been there, but it sounded just perfect for tonight. I added some garlic, tomatoes, onion, bell pepper and smoked turkey sausage and set it to simmer while the show started. By the time they started blurring out the pieces of models that were not covered by the itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikinis, dinner was served! Have I told any of you lately how much I LOVE turkey sausage? I cut it up and throw it in our lunches, toss it into pasta, with rice - it's my favorite precooked meat. AND you will all be very pleased to hear I refrained from overspicing this time - I don't think my digestive system is loving me right now. Either that or it could be the swine flu.........

Fun Legal Fact of the day: If you give a man money to buy a house for the two of you because he says he's going to marry you and he turns out to already be married and refuses to give you your money back you CAN bring a lawsuit against him.

Last night I dreamt of pirates and cupcakes...

But not Somalia pirates...my pirates include the kind played by Robert DeNiro in Stardust. In fact it was Robert DeNiro...except his name was Angie. And if you haven't seen that movie yet - you're missing out. It makes me very happy. I like fairy tales. Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies and this is along the same lines.

Even with dreams of pirates and cupcakes my day started out VERY hectic. Today was a carpool day. Thatboy and I are so green that days where he doesn't go surfing after work we carpool. And today we had a date planned which means a free ride to work for me! But it also means I have to get my butt in gear in the mornings because Thatboy leaves for work earlier than I do.

Tuesdays are also our museum days. On Tuesdays we meet for lunch at Balboa Park and go to a museum. I love Balboa Park. Sometimes we meet for lunch there and just walk around the trails and gardens, but Tuesdays are culture days. Today we headed to the San Diego Automotive museum. I forgot my camera at home, so I'll just paint you a picture. The museum has some really cool cars. You don't realize how big cars used to be back in the "early days" of automotives. And the early cars were all convertibles. I was definitely born in the wrong era. In the back are motorcyles - the early ones were much more similar to bikes than cars. And right now there's a hot rod exhibit - there is no way you could ever get me in one of those things. I wouldn't even drive Thatmom's mini without sending up multiple prayers for my well being. At one point in time Thatboy got really excited.

TB: Now THIS is a sexy car.
TG: Really? What makes it so sexy? Just because it's a convertible jag? Does it look like something Bond would drive?
TB: No! Look at it! Look at the lines, the curves - it looks like the lower half of a woman's body.

And then I saw it. And my mouth dropped open. And I laughed SO hard that the woman beside me started laughing and I'm not even sure she heard Thatboy and I pray her small children didn't hear him. Do you see it? Fear not if you don't, it just means you don't have the mind of a thirteen year old boy.

For our dinner tonight Thatboy and I headed to our favorite local Italian restaurant. On Tuesdays and Thursdays they do half price bottles of wine....and a bottle of wine goes a looooong way with me. (Apparently it goes a long way with Thatboy too since he just told me I spelled dreamt wrong...I'm missing the p......yup, he thinks it's spelled dreampt.....and he keeps insisting I check the dictionary)

Tonight we went with a Super Toscana which is a chianti like wine, but MUCH smoother than chianti. Thatboy likes the finish - after you're done with your sip it's not done with you. It's a very full bodied red.

I'm SO boring when I go to my favorite restaurants. I always get the same thing once I find my favorite. Here it's the gnocchi. Sometimes it's light and fluffy, sometimes it's dense (like a matzah ball according to Thatboy), but it's always good.

Thatboy is more adventurous. Tonight he had the penne with peas and pancetta. He was more than pleased informing me he had made a good choice. I had a bite (you can't blame me right?) and it was good and salty and cheesey - two of my favorite food qualities.

Afterwards we grabbed some sushi from the fantastic sushi place next door for lunch tomorrow. It's half off in the evenings which means delicious and cheap!

By the way, I learned today that San Diego is one of the top 11 best-hair cities in the country - so I really have no excuse for having no control over this mop on top of my head.

Weekend Update

What's cute about this picture? Thatdog is on TMD's bed, and TMD is on Thatdog's bed. Sharing's nice.

On Friday morning I snuggled into the car seat as Thatboy drove us to work, thinking how nice it was going to be to take a little nap on the way up to Thatmom's house that evening. Then I remembered - I was going to be driving - grrrr. Thatboy had a hearing on Monday morning so we were taking two cars up and I was going to get to come home myself on Sunday night. It was no consolation that I got to have Thatdog as my companion. He's not very good company in the car - spending most of the time sleeping. The only thing that makes it a bit better is that he manages to contort himself into the strangest, most uncomfortable looking positions. Next time I drive up with him I'm going to try to snap a picture.

Saturday we had discussed going up to the LA Festival of books. It's something Thatmom has enjoyed going to in the past, but that was back when she had a faculty parking permit making parking a breeze. She was having mixed feelings about going, since it was something she always did with Thatdad. Then she started having sympathy pains in her back. Thatmom and I are so connected that whatever ails me, also ails her. So we decided to skip out on the festival so we could run errands and go see a movie. We saw Sunshine Cleaning which was so much better than I'd heard. The reviews compared it to Little Miss Sunshine and were disappointed in the movie. As for me, I wasn't a huge fan of Little Miss Sunshine to begin with and going in with low expectations definitely helped. Amy Adams and Emily Blunt were adorable and dysfunctional and the little boy who played Adams' son was adorable. Thatmom remarked that he looked like Thatdog in human form. We came home and I got to work at making dinner - grilled shrimp fajitas. After dinner Thatbrother and UDubb went back to work and we settled in to watch Grey Gardens. What an interesting story. Thatmom is beyond fascinated and has already added the documentary to her blockbuster que. She also believes Drew Barrymore deserves an Oscar for her performance. We spent the rest of the weekend making references to the movie and the bizarre relationship between Edith and Edie Beale.

Sunday we all got together for breakfast - I am becoming well adept at cooking for 5. Then I went for a run again. It's been a while since I could run because of my back, but I get so antsy when I don't. If you run, you'll understand how good it feels your first day back. I ran for over 7 miles which is the longest run I've done in a while. In general I run 3 miles a day, 5 days a week, but the first day back, I always feel like I could run forever. Thatboy got me a cute pink waterbelt for Valentine's Day and I hadn't had the opportunity to test it out yet. The rest of the day was more "around the house" chores until it was time to get dinner ready. It was a request from Thatmom, her favorite of my recent cooking - grilled chicken with avocado salsa and honeyed corn bread. Then it was back in the car with Thatdog and on the road.

This morning I went back to my 3 miles. I brought my usual running partner with me - Thatdog. I had left him out Sunday because I didn't want the extra strain on my back. This morning I realized that as much as I love the company, sometimes it's nice to run without him. Especially when he gets into one of his moods. This morning as we approached the trail behind my place where we run I noticed a power walker. The man was older, stoop shouldered and moving his arms and hips back and forth as he heel-toed it. Thatdog wasn't quite sure what to make of it, and since Thatboy takes on a similar position when he's playing "creepy scary chasey guy" around our place I think it spooked Thatdog. He began barking at this man like he was going to eat him - my sweet little dog! I knew he wouldn't do anything to the man, but the man didn't know that and he hightailed it in the other direction. How embarrassing!

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful - I only had one tearful moment in my office which is a vast improvement over this weekend. By the end of the day my legs were feeling all 10 miles over the past two days and so Thatboy ran me a bath to soak. We've been doing a ton of "accidently on purpose" spicy food lately and tonight was no different. Last week I accidently over red-pepper flaked our chili, and tonight I realized I had bought the extreme spicy version of enchilada sauce. Good thing we like spice. Thatboy said these enchiladas are the best I've ever made. But oh so messy!

For those who've hung in there

Everyone kept telling me it would get worse before it got better. I was dismissive. To begin with, they were all talking about Thatmom, and my need to be there for her. The words were ominous in tone, a foreboding warning. But I also didn't believe it could get worse. How could things get any darker? How could my grief ever surpass the pain I felt at the hospital? The instant loss, the learning to be without. Things could only get easier.

And then about two weeks ago, it hit me. Unexpectedly, without warning. It was as if the curtain had risen letting the theater of my life begin. Since then, there hasn't been a day without tears. I find myself crying in public at inopportune times. Just last week the mere sound of Thatmom's voice on the phone broke me down in a matter of seconds.

I remember the days after the funeral as a blur and, with one very specific exception of a hysterical breakdown in Macys, oddly still waters. It wasn't that I didn't cry or grieve, but it was at appropriate times, or in conversations with Thatboy - remaining strong for the person who needed me most. I overheard Thatboy telling more than one of his friends that I was handling things "a little too well" and I felt frustrated. I didn't know any other way to handle them and I figured I'd get my own shot at dealing with my grief once I got Thatmom settled. But the weeks went by and although I had moments of sadness and tears, I was definitely functional - at an impaired level. I went through the motions, and did what was expected, things that had to be done. Then there was an improvement where I went above what had to be done. I went out, I cleaned the house.....and I honestly believed things were getting better. Which explains why I was so blindsided.

Thatmom sent me an article from Slate by Meghan O'Rourke: The Long Goodbye which I instantly connected with. The article was written in several installments following the death of the author's mom December 25. Although our situtations differ in that her mother lost the battle she had been facing with colorectal cancer, the feelings and emotions that she expresses are not diminished by the fact that she had weeks to say goodbye, instead of minutes with an unresponsive body.

"Since my mother's death, I have been in grief. I walk down the street; I answer my phone; I brush my hair; I manage, at times, to look like a normal person, but I don't feel normal. I am not surprised to find that it is a lonely life: After all, the person who brought me into the world is gone. But it is more than that. I feel not just that I am but that the world around me is deeply unprepared to deal with grief. Nearly every day I get e-mails from people who write: "I hope you're doing well." It's a kind sentiment, and yet sometimes it angers me. I am not OK. Nor do I find much relief in the well-meant refrain that at least my mother is "no longer suffering." Mainly, I feel one thing: My mother is dead, and I want her back. I really want her back—sometimes so intensely that I don't even want to heal. At least, not yet."

And the lit nut in me loves the analysis she does with Hamlet - a play centered around a son mourning his father. Ms. Rourke is a few months ahead of me in the grieving process and it's good to read that things will get better - although her clouds began lifting around 4 months, which means I have two more months of suffering ahead.

I mentioned in February that I wasn't exactly sure where this blog was going to be heading and I'm starting to get more of an idea. I'm going to go back to using the blog for "thoughts I feel like sharing." (I have a separate space for thoughts I don't feel like sharing) There are those who have expressed that they don't like the things I put on here when it starts getting personal, but I'm pretty sure a majority of them don't read this anymore, and I save my thoughts on them for that separate space. I will continue to post recipes and food - but probably not to the same extent I did before, which I know will lose me one reader for sure, and possibly others who aren't as vocal about the types of blogs they read. But at this time, it's useful for me to have a space for me - recounting day to day activities, feelings, thoughts, adventures (we're working on getting Thatmom to come down to San Diego next weekend if we can work something out with Thatbrother tonight at dinner). I'm hoping that I'll be able to see things in a more positive light if I'm able to take a step back from them as I write.

It's Me Again

What a weird turn these entries have taken. I know eventually I'll get back to cooking and showcasing meals from my kitchen, but I also know it won't be anytime soon. I definitely keep having that feeling that things aren't ever going to be the same, and frankly I'm not sure when things will ever be "normal" - my new schedule is so far from my normal schedule and shows no signs of ever returning that perhaps I just need a new definition of what normal is. I can't even remember what it was like to spend a weekend at home, not consumed with a million things to do for Thatmom.

In the past two weeks I've done so much better with socialization though. I even went out to lunch with H! I'm so lucky that we love the same restaurants - she suggested my favorite and I decided to take her up on it. Then I had a very short open opportunity where I was able to grab some coffee with K1 who luckily was able to deal with the incredibly short notice I'm reduced to these days. She informed me that I'm far too hard on myself and the things I'm feeling right now. She gave me permission to be passive aggressive and a mega bitch, but I'm still reluctant to follow through.

With every step forward though there is always a step back. Last weekend was not so great for my lower back and I spent most of Sunday crying and immobile as I grew faint and nauseous whenever I would stand. Muscular in nature there is very little I can do other than a consistent regiment of ibuprofen. I come home from work and the last thing I want to do is....pretty much anything. So I haven't been cooking, returning emails or phone calls, cleaning, any of the normal things people do. And this is SO not the week for ailment! We've been carpooling to work so that we can leave straight after for far reaching destinations. Thatboy has taken over driving which is a plus, but attending seders in LA and Orange County in the evening means we're spending a lot of time in the car, and not so much time sleeping. And since he's gone to his parents this weekend I got to make the drive up to OC all by myself. Well, that's not quite true. Thatdog is one heck of a navigator! I'm very much looking forward to his return this evening so he can go back to the heavy lifting and dog walking.

A brief update

So I've been back home for a few weeks now, although I'm still spending every weekend with Thatmom. When I was in college, my best friend's father killed himself. In the past few weeks, this friend has been a great support for me and kind of a mental health advisor. He told me that things would be easier for me once I got back home and back to my life. Maybe in a way it is easier - but in a way it's much much harder to be back among society. I'm feeling very isolated and disconnected and while I have been really forcing myself to return phone calls and emails, I haven't been doing any initiating. During the first couple of weeks when the phone calls and visits were frequent I promised my friends that I'd be calling them for support once I was back home, but now that I am, the last thing I want to do is call anyone.

At least I have been very active in the kitchen. As some of you may remember, Thatmom was never the cook in the family and making food isn't high on her list of priorities lately. So I spend all week making soup, soup, and more soup. Thatboy jokes we're on an "all soup all the time" diet. On the weekends I make elaborate meals with loads of leftovers for her to eat during the week - shrimp with white wine sauce, lasagna with homemade noodles, ravioli, roast chicken, five spice chicken, steak pizziola. She doesn't cook for herself at all, waiting for us to drive up on Friday nights after work so she doesn't have to eat alone.

And from the moment we arrive on Friday night there's a neverending, never shortening laundry list of things to be done. We're up at the crack of dawn and up late - so it's no wonder I'm exhausted by the time we get home Sunday night.

With all that, I do have to say that as anti-social as I'm feeling, there are a few bright spots. I told H this on the phone earlier tonight, but it's always good to broadcast how wonderful someone is on a international level. Every Sunday,without fail, H calls to check and see how my week has gone, and how I'm doing. Even when starting a new job, even while on the way to see her own mother in the hospital, H never fails to check in. Every week I promise to call her some time during the week with an update, and every week I fail her. And yet each weekend she never fails me. She is a phenomenal friend and human being.

And then there's my friend JackieO. She lives a few blocks from Thatmom and keeps offering to stop by with food, or take me out for coffee on the weekend. This weekend Thatmom's best friend flew in from across the country, finally giving me the opportunity to take JackieO up on her offer. So this morning we met for coffee and dished over each other's lives. It's been a long time since I've gone anywhere with anyone and it was a good break. She entertained me with stories of her work, family, and fabulous guy and took me out of myself for a little bit.

So thank you all for continuing to send me your thoughts, prayers, wishes, and stories - I'll keep trying to check in and eventually to break through the darkness that I'm feeling right now, I'm just not really sure when that will be.

Battered and torn still I can see the light

I've mentioned before that I am not the photographer in my marriage. Thatboy has been king of the f-stop since long before he met me, spending a great deal of time in the darkroom before finally seeing the light and going digital. (Did you get all the great wordplay in that last sentence?) On one of our first anniversaries (we just celebrated 9 dating years last week) he gave me a framed print of my favorite of his photos. Jealous, my mom requested one of his prints for herself. And that began many frequent requests for his work. According to Thatboy's framer (I have a butcher, he has a framer...that's the way our life works), once you start getting requests for your work you might want to consider taking the next step and going public. Today Thatboy and I headed home for his first art show. It was a bittersweet day since Thatdad was so excited for this show and was originally planning on attending with us.

Based on the quality of his photographic work, Thatboy had been chosen to take part in a juried art show. The show itself was mixed media and Thatboy was nervous as he set up his selections. "I think I'm the youngest one here," he told me. "Everyone else has other outlets where they sell or show their work. Some of them are already established in one medium, and are using this as an opportunity to try out a new one."

As the hours went by, Thatboy got more and more anxious. Finally the time came to get his results. The artists filed into the room. I watched as many of them filed back out again. Some with tears in their eyes. More and more came, but not Thatboy. I sent up a silent prayer. After what felt like forever Thatboy appeared with the biggest smile on his face. Not only had he received great scores, but he had earned himself a place to permanently show and sell his work. Thatdad would have been so proud. We both were crying as we thought about that on the way back to our cars.

So next time you're headed to San Diego, you'll have to drop me a line so I can tell you where to swing by and pick up a Thatboy original. And those of you who are lucky enough to already have one, they may finally be worth more than the paper they were printed on!

February Made Me Shiver*

The phone rang at 6:30 a.m.. By the time I had realized it wasn't the alarm it had already gone to voicemail. As I listened to the message, Thatboy was already calling in and taking the day off work. What followed was the longest drive of my life.

We reached the hospital just as they were about to begin surgery and we sat huddled in the waiting room. Thatmom filled in some of the gaps that had kept us so silent on our drive up. Just as they had done every morning for as long as I can remember, Thatparents awoke at 4:30 am and headed to the gym. At some point, someone ran up and told Thatmom that her husband had collapsed. By the time she reached his machine, CPR was already being performed. The paramedics were called and were able to revive Thatdad before transporting him to the nearest hospital. Because of Thatdad's ties to the police department, his close friend and coworker Sgt. G arrived to the hospital shortly after the ambulance did, trailed closely by the wife of Thatdad's closest friend, who also worked for the police department. Thatbrother was not far behind.

Another transport was necessary. This hospital didn't have a cardiac cath lab and something was going to have to be done regarding Thatdad's heart. He was moved to another hospital where the surgeons immediately got to work. The five of us sat waiting until his doctor came out. He explained that a graft that had been previously placed in Thatdad's heart had become occluded, causing the cardiac event. He was optomistic that they had solved the problem, although there was a great deal of damage to the heart wall. He told us that as soon as Thatdad was moved over to the ICU we could all come in and see him, although he was still under heavy sedation.

The minutes turned to hours during which every "Code Blue" dropped our group into silence, and although we received frequent updates from the nursing staff, we were eventually moved into a more private room with a social worker who gained us access to Thatdad's bedside. The hours passed and eventually it became clear that we would need to say our goodbyes. By that time, Thatcousin had arrived at the hospital, as well as Thatdad's best friend and our family rabbi. We were all able to gather around the bed and be there for his last moments.

The rest of the day is a blur of phone calls. What do you say after you tell someone your father died? The conversation can't really continue at that point. Especially since it was so sudden and unexpected. During the next few days arrangements were made and people started pouring in. From across the country in all directions friends and family booked the first plane ticket they could and began making their way. One couple, who had known Thatdad since high school, flew in directly from their vacation without stopping at home first.

On Tuesday, March 24, 2009, over 400 people gathered to say goodbye. He was a friend, a mentor, a teacher, a coworker. His wonder at life and joy for all things touched everyone around him, and his humor was infectious. As we gathered to remember the man, stories were told of his love for his family and friends, his adoration of his wife, his obsession with Hawaiian shirts, and his ability to make anyone smile. As we left the service we noted that the road had been closed off and the police were called in because of the sheer number of vehicles exiting and entering the parking lot. As we watched the crowd following the pallbearers at the cemetery, the cantor noted "it's as though they were leaving Egypt" in reference to the number of people. Thatdad was larger than life. You couldn't meet him without instantly losing a bit of your heart to him. Whether it was the teller at the bank, or the person in front of him at the supermarket he had a way of making friends very quickly. And no one wanted to miss their chance to say goodbye.

I write this to explain my absence, both past and future, because I'm not really sure where this blog will go from here. Thatbrother and I have temporarily moved in with Thatmom to deal with this difficult time. There is an influx of food being delivered to the house, which means there's not much cooking going on right now, although Thatboy brought up my pasta machine so we've been doing homemade sauce and fettuchine. Italian is Thatmom's comfort food.

I apologize for my lack of comments - I've started catching up on the blogs I've missed, but am having trouble coming up with anything to say, or a desire to communicate in general. So know that I'm reading, even if I'm not the frequent commenter I once was.

I'd also like to thank many of you for the phone calls, the emails, the stopping in to check on us. I know I've thanked you each individually, but you deserve a big group hug in addition.

Thatdad (October 7, 1954-February 20, 2009)

*A long, long, time ago
I can still remember
how the music, used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
that I could make those people dance
and maybe, they'd be happy for a while.

But February made me shiver
with every paper I'd deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn't take one more step.

I can't remember if I cried
when I read about his widowed bride,
but something touched me deep inside,
the day the music died.
-Don McLean, American Pie

Little child

Are you getting ready for Mardi Gras? Here in Thathouse we most certainly are. We've very excited for next Tuesday and have our plans already in place. We're going to be very tired Wednesday morning.

It may be hard to believe, but I've never been to New Orleans. I know, it's a shocker. Especially if you know my love for cajun food. Instead I know the best cajun restaurants in town and use my kitchen to fill in the rest.

When I saw the Creole soup I couldn't wait to try it. And what better than the week before Mardi Gras. And stay tuned for after the main event for the gumbo recipes. I'm honestly so thankful for the timing of these recipes given that it's been cold here. Soups are perfect. Soups with some creole flair? Even better.

Unfortunately, this soup did not live up to my expectations. It's bascially a tomato soup with horseradish. And frankly, if I'm going for ome New Orleans/Creole heat, I tend to use something other than horseradish. Cayenne, cajun spices, tabasco......The horseradish never fully got blended into the soup - if you look, you can see the little white horseradish dots. I would definitely recommend leaving it out and using cayenne or tabasco instead.

Creole Soup (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 2 Tbsp bacon fat
• 2 Tbsp finely chopped green pepper
• 2 Tbsp finely chopped onion
• 2 Tbsp flour
• 1 cup chopped tomatoes
• 3 cups beef stock
• 1/8 tsp ground pepper
• 1 Tbsp horseradish
• 1/2 tsp vinegar
• salt

1. Heat the bacon fat in a pot, add the green pepper ad onion, and cook slowly for 5 minutes.
2. Stir in the flour and cook for 2 or 3 minutes, then stir in the tomatoes and stock or bouillon.
3. Simmer for 15 minutes.
4. Strain and add remaining ingredients.

Ain't No Lie

This soup had a lot to live up to, being that it was a pumpkin soup and I am queen of the pumpkin. Pumpkins and squashes just make the best soup bases and I love to take advantage of that fact year round. Plus pumpkin is excellent for Thatdog's digestion, so we always have some in the house.

To be fair, although this soup will obviously be compared to my other pumpkin soup recipes, it didn't have to try too hard to please. The benefit of loving pumpkin is that I'm pretty much happy with any pumpkin recipe.

Like the rest of the soups I have made so far, this was much less thick and creamy than I was expecting. It seems like FF is well aware that it's too early in the year to ditch those New Year's Resolutions. And besides, the beauty of pumpkin is that it kinda works as its own thickener, so this was almost thick enough for me. I would probably throw it in the blender or food processor next time to push it right into the "thick enough" realm without having to add anything. I float some cream on the top anyway (whip it first, but don't add sugar and it'll stay lovely and floaty on the top) to add some creaminess.

Pumpkin Soup (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 2 medium onions, chopped
• 2 Tbsp butter
• 1 Tbsp flour
• 3 cups chicken broth
• 2 cups pumpkin puree
• salt and pepper

1. Saute the onions with the butter in the bottom of a heavy, large saucepan over low heat until soft.
2. Sprinkle in the flour; stir and cook 2-3 minutes.
3. Gradually add the chicken broth whisking thoroughly, then the pumpkin puree, ad cook gently about 15 minutes.
4. Salt and pepper to taste.

Tell me the answer

What do you think of when you think of cheese soup? Probably something creamy and thick. This is not the cheese soup you think of, but I think it must be a lot healthier because of the lack of cream/thickness.

Today was an excellent day. Thatboy and I learned all about trepanation (Do not click this link if you have a weak stomach). I got a great opportunity AND found out that a Red Mango has opened in my neighborhood shopping center.

The weather is cold and rainy, and these soups are just the perfect way to end the day. Because this is a broth based soup, it doesn't leave you with that heavy feeling, and the crazy color is actually due to paprika and not the cheese (I used a gorgeous white English cheddar).

Cheese Soup (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 1 Tbsp butter
• 1 Tbsp finely chopped onion
• 1 Tbsp flour
• 1 cup beef stock
• 2 cups milk
• 3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese
• 2 tsp paprika

1. Melt the butter in a pot, add the onion, and cook slowly until limp.
2. Stir in the flour and continue to cook for 3 minutes, stirring.
3. Slowly add the seasoned stock and milk, and heat to the boiling point, stirring frequently.
4. Stir in the cheese and paprika and whisk until the cheese has melted and the soup is very hot.

In a special way

My graduating class in college was 30 people. We were a very close knit bunch because there were so few of us and everyone knew everything about each member of the class. So when N and L- roommates, decided they wanted to lose some weight by going on the cabbage soup diet - we all knew about it. Now I can't vouch for whether the diet actually worked, like most of the girls in my program, N and L really didn't need to lose any weight. However, I can tell you the side effects of the cabbage soup diet were not pleasant, and when there are only 30 people in your program, it's not very considerate of others either.

The entire experience turned me off of the idea of cabbage soup and so I'm sure you won't be surprised when I tell you that I got nervous when I noticed the next soup recipe was for beet and cabbage soup. It doesn't help that I'm not exactly a beet fan either. But I'm a solider - I forged ahead anyway.

And I am very glad I did. This soup was fantastic from step one. We begin with the gorgeous color. We continue with the amazing taste. Thatboy had three bowls of this, and then got mad at me when I ate the leftovers the next day. I may very well be a beet convert. Although I like keeping them in a simple soup, I'm still a little nervous about eating them on their own.

And this soup is so filling, I can definitely imagine how the cabbage soup diet would work. There's almost nothing bad in this soup at all so you don't need to feel guilty after consuming bowls and bowls. Frankly, if I had to eat this soup every day I think I would be quite the happy camper!


Cabbage and Beet Soup (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 1 qt beef stock
• 2 cups peeled and diced raw beets
• 1 onion, chopped
• 2 cups coarsely chopped cabbage
• ground pepper
• 2 Tbsp cider vinegar

1. Put the stock, beets, onion, and cabbage in a soup pot.
2. Bring to a boil, lower heat, and simmer, partially covered, replacing any liquid that evaporates with additional stock or water.
3. Simmer for about 30 minutes or until the beets are tender. Season with pepper and vinegar.

With Love

I hope you all had a fantastic Valentine's Day! As usual we celebrated by doing some of our favorite things, which reminds me to be thankful we live where we do. Everyday I discover something new and wonderful about our area, or am reminded of another fantastic hidden gem. Some things I love about our area that I discovered or reconnected with this weekend:

• Strawberry Boba in my milk tea. Flavored boba is so much better than the regular kind.
• The insane amount of gourmet chocolate shops. Handmade artisan chocolate is lurking around every corner.
• Secret local restaurants. There's a place we go that we both love, but it's a bit off the beaten path and very much a "locals only" kind of place. If you don't live in our neighborhood, you've probably never even heard of it. And we kinda like it that way.
• Our own mini-Epcot! Without the lines and high prices, but still with international food and fun.
  
• The best local bread. Perfect for our all soup all the time diet.
  
• French patisseries with tea and macarons. This one really doesn't need explanation, does it?
  
• Streets of used book stores. Loads of books at fractions of the price.
• Fantastic theater
• local art and artists

And I'm thankful to be moving on to the heavier soup recipes. Soups that really are a meal in themselves. Except when I saw that the first recipe was cream of asparagus. Raise your hand if you see the problem here. Yes - you in the back - with the black shirt. A little louder please, those of us in the front can't quite hear you. Yes, that's right - I don't do asparagus. Which means, instead you will be treated to a cream of broccoli soup. Mmmmmmmm.

This is probably a good time to talk to you a little bit about "cream of" soups. In general, we don't do them in Thathouse. With the exception of cream of tomato I'm not a user of cream of crap soups. Frankly, I'm not even quite sure what they put in them, but I'm tempted to believe it's not food. Which means I have turned away quite a number of recipes calling for cream of - chicken, celery, mushroom.....However, this is nothing like it's canned cousins. Perfect on it's own, but also fabulous for anything you might have previously used the can for. And I can guarantee the quality of the ingredients. Fresh cream, fresh veggies, and that stock you've all got stored up in the fridge/freezer. Not bad right? Pretty simple? For this one, since we were eating a whole bowl of it, I even used skim milk and no salt. So now we have low (no?) fat and low (no?) sodium. And OHHHHHHH so tasty! And now I get to go back to those forsaken recipes and give them a try with my own homemade stuff!

Cream of Broccoli Soup (Adapted from Fannie Farmer's Cream of Asparagus Soup)

• 1 lb broccoli
• 1 1/2 cups chicken stock
• 2 Tbsp chopped onion
• 1 cup milk
• salt and pepper

1. Wash and trim broccoli.
2. Cook the broccoli in 2 cups boiling water until tender.
3. Drain, reserving 1 cup of the water.
4. Chop the broccoli and reserve them.
5. Put the chicken stock, onion, and reserved water in a pan and bring to a boil.
6. Add the broccoli and simmer for 5 minutes.
7. Puree in a food processor.
8. Return to the pot and add milk and salt and pepper to taste. Reheat.

Everybody's trying

Earlier this week I got an email from Sweetcakes with the note "I saw these and thought of you." It was a recipe for oreo cookie truffles. I laughed for a number of reasons.

The first is that everyone knows Oreo Truffles are soooooooo 2007. And it wasn't long before we moved on to the exotic world of Cake Truffles - offering far more in the variety department where all sorts of flavor combinations could be had.

My second reason for laughing was that oreo truffles have earned themselves quite the reputation on my cooking board. Mostly because around Christmas all the idiots come out to play. You can identify them immediately by their questions about Oreo Truffles - usually 4 or 5 within the same hour. It's as if the Christmas Spirit also makes people believe that although they couldn't identify the kitchen a month ago, they'd now like to prepare a scrumptious treat that makes it seem like they know their way around a stand mixer. There are so many questions regarding Oreo Truffles that we keep a running list of stupid questions that we continue to add to throughout the season.*

But the final reason I laughed was due to the timing of the email. It arrived the day before I was set to make a set of Truffles for Valentine's Day. We're going old school on this one. Back to the days when what you got on the inside of a truffle was chocolate. Creamy delicious chocolate. Thatboy said he prefers these to any truffle I've made so far. He loved how chocolatey and rich they were. You all know my feelings on chocolate, but even I had a couple of these!

Happy Valentine's Day to each of you. I hope you were able to spend it with those who are most important to you!

Chocolate Truffles

• 16 oz semi-sweet baking chocolate
• 8 0z cream cheese

1. Melt 8 oz chocolate in a double boiler.
2. Whip cream cheese in stand mixer until fluffy.
3. Add melted chocolate to cream cheese and mix well.
4. Refrigerate mixture until firm.
5. Place a sheet of wax paper on a baking pan.
6. Roll mixture into small balls and place on wax paper.
7. Melt remaining chocolate in double boiler.
8. Using forks, roll balls in chocolate and replace on wax paper.
9. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

* The answers to your burning questions?
Stir.
Stainless steel bowl over simmering saucepan of water
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
a week in the fridge
Kraft
no
use a counter
yes
no
yes
as many as you'd like
there are a variety of techniques

Dizzy

For this next recipe you're stuck with only my opinion. While normally you are treated to the views of the entire household, this time Thatboy didn't get to partake. Mostly because this was a lunchtime treat, and Thatboy will do soup for dinner, but usually wants a bit more of a substantial lunch. I used this mushroom broth both on it's own, as well as a type of "au jus" for dipping my sandwich. And to tell you the truth (because why would I lie to you?) this broth is much better for dipping than on it's own.

It's your basic veggie broth, but made solely from mushrooms. It smelled good. I got to hear that the entire day I was making it. But on it's own it's a little...meh. But it's absolutely perfect for dipping a nice french roll with your favorite meat inside. And I have no doubt this would be fantastic as a substitute for your basic veggie broth/stock in a number of recipes. And because it's so easy to make, it won't hurt you to keep on hand in the fridge or freezer.

Mushroom Broth (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 1/2 lb mushrooms, chopped
• 1/2 tsp grated onion
• salt

1. Put the mushrooms, onion, and 4 cups of cold water in a saucepan and simmer, partially covered for about 1 hour.
2. Remove from heat and let stand for at least 4 hours, overnight if possible.
3. Strain and reheat, adding salt to taste.

One and one and one is three

Providence (noun): provident or prudent management of resources; prudence.
example: buying an 11 lb turkey to feed 4 people and putting half the turkey in the freezer.

While that example may not seem like providence, when I found myself staring at a recipe for turkey broth, I couldn't help but be thankful for my forethought. I mean, how often do you have half a turkey (with bones) in your freezer? And the thought of roasting another whole turkey, while delicious, seemed a little much to make soup.

However, after tasting this turkey soup I am forever saving each and every bone from every turkey I make and will probably be making turkey more often than a sane person should. This was unbelievably phenomenal.

I had begun to make it on a Saturday morning, but a mid-afternoon decision to hit up the movie theater had be quickly straining and refrigerating. I came home to turkey jelly. A couple scoops and some reheating later, Thatboy and I were eating the best broth either of us had ever tasted. So much more flavorful than chicken broth! Thatboy doctored his up by adding the veggies and some of the turkey meat from the soup itself, but I took mine in the fantastic unadulterated form.

Turkey Soup (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 1 turkey carcass
• 1 onion, sliced
• 1 carrot, sliced
• 2 stalks celery, cut up
• 6 crushed peppercorns
• salt

1. Break the turkey carcass into pieces and put them in a soup pot with any small pieces of turkey meat that you can spare.
2. Add 8 cups of water, onion, carrots, celery, and peppercorns.
3. Bring to a boil, lower the heat, cover partially, and simmer for 3-4 hours.
4. Strain the broth and cool it quickly, uncovered.
5. Chill it and remove the fat when it solidifies, or scoop any fat off surface with a spoon.
6. Add salt to taste before serving.

The queen of all the team

This is our last stock, before we move on to broths and soups, so if you want to learn to make consomme, fish stocks, clam stocks, or veggie stocks pick up a copy of the book for yourself.

Tonight we're working with veal stock. I know I've told you all that a good stock should turn to jelly after it cools because of the collagen released from the bones. Well my helpful science factoid I learned yesterday is that younger bones release more collagen, which is why a lot of chefs prefer veal stock. So I thought I'd share with you a picture of the cooling stock so you can see it beginning to turn into a solid.

Tonight's tip #2 involves the storage of stocks. If you're going to keep the stock in the fridge you're going to want to boil it every couple days so it doesn't go bad.

Tip #3 - The recipe calls for veal knuckle bones. Even my butcher looked at me like I was on the insane side of life when I asked for these. Apparently they don't carry veal knuckles. I ended up going to my fancy schmancy neighborhood supermarket - the one with the player grande piano in the produce department and picked up a couple of veal shanks. These are fantastic for making oso bucco, and then you can use the leftover bones for the stock.

Tip #4 - Even though veal comes from the same animal as beef, veal stock is much more similar to chicken stock. They're both "white stocks" as opposed to beef which is a "brown stock." And veal stock serves as an excellent substitution for chicken stock, if you're looking for something a little more flavorful.

Veal Stock (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 4lb veal knuckle bone, cut into pieces
• 1-2 lbs lean veal
• 1 onion, sliced
• 3 stalks celery, sliced
• 2 carrots, sliced
• 1 bay leaf
• pinch of dried thyme
• 2 cloves
• 6 crushed peppercorns
• salt

1. Put all ingredients except salt in stockpot with 3 quarts of cold water and let them soak for up to an hour.
2. Bring them slowly to a boil, reduce the heat, and simmer gently, partially covered for 4-5 hours, skimming any scum from the surface for the first thirty minutes or so of cooking.
3. Salt carefully to taste at the end of cooking.
4. Strain and cool, uncovered.

One, two, three, four, Can I have a little more!

So I tried to do a little research as to why cooling stock covered would cause the stock to sour, and friends...I got nothing. I found a number of precautions that "cooling stock covered will cause the stock to sour" but no one wants to tell me why. I did get a little bit of useful information for tomorrow's post, but you'll just have to wait and see.

I did however find a solution to Psychgrad's "Do I have to put my dutch oven in the fridge" quandry. My go-to guy, Alton Brown recommends placing your dutch oven in the family cooler, with about two inches of ice in the bottom. Then drop in a couple of half-way full frozen water bottles.

Tonight's stock lesson bring you a little vocabulary lesson!

Mirepoix (pronounced /mɪər ˈpʍɑː/) is the French name for a combination of onions, carrots, and celery (either common Pascal celery or celeriac). Mirepoix, either raw, roasted or sautéed with butter, is the flavor base for a wide number of dishes, such as stocks, soups, stews and sauces.

The bouquet garni (French for "garnished bouquet") is a bundle of herbs usually tied together with string and mainly used to prepare soup, stock, and various stews. The bouquet is boiled with the other ingredients, but is removed prior to consumption.

There is no generic recipe for bouquet garni, but most recipes include parsley, thyme and bay leaf.

These two terms are very important to the chapter and you should have them all on hand for the making of the stocks and stews!

And now on to the main event. While I made the beef stock with beef bones, the chicken stock I decided to go whole hog. Or whole chicken. We eat so much chicken, that I thought this would be a great way to cook some chicken and make some stock. One of Fannie's variations on cooking stock uses a whole chicken so that worked out just perfectly for me! We ended up with a ton of stock, a tupperwear full of cooked chicken, and a dog who thinks the stove is a magic place where dreams come true.

Chicken Stock (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 4lb chicken
• 1 onion cut in half
• 2 carrots, cut in thirds
• 3 stalks celery with leaves, cut in half
• 1 bay leaf
• 6 crushed peppercorns
• 1 tsp dried thyme
• salt

1. Wash the chicken and put it in a large stock pot. Add 8 cups of cold water and remaining ingredients.
2. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer, skimming off the scum during the first 30 minutes.
3. Cook, covered until the chicken is tender. Turn off the heat and remove all the chicken from the pot (I did this about 30 minutes after covering).
4. When the chicken is cool enough to handle, separate the meat from the skin and bones and return the skin and bones to the pot.
5. Continue to simmer 4-5 hours in all. Strain and cool the stock, uncovered.

I know I'll let you down

Blogs are an excellent source of information. You can learn so many different tips and cooking techniques. And yet, I know these next few blog entries are going to come up short.

As you may or may not recall, the purpose of the FF journey is to improve my kitchen skills and techniques. And although this journey has already started, it is only now that we reach the beginning. Ooohhhh that sounds deep doesn't it? We are about to begin the stock and soup chapter. Far more complex than appetizers, but still something that isn't too high up on the difficulty scale. And this is where I cannot recommend highly enough to pick up the book for yourself, because there is no way in these brief entries that I can begin to cover all the information Fannie details in her pages and pages of introduction to the chapter. Pages on when to serve soup, how to turn leftovers into soups, seasoning, storing, and freezing soup. There are pages detailing the stock making process filled with information on cooking, cooling, storing, and clarifying stock. And this is really where my skills are going to improve. Making these stocks and soups is almost like a final exam after reading the chapter. I can't even begin to express my pride when my stocks turned to jelly or seeing the layer of fat rise to the surface to be easily removed. It's like I passed!

But I will do my best to give you a very brief overview as we go along and whet your whistle for what lies in store!

We'll begin with stocks. There are actually quite a few stocks in the book, and each stock has a number of variations, including how to turn a stock into bouillon. I stuck with three that I felt I could handle.

My basic stock notes:
- Cooking: To make a stock you're going to place your meat and bones, along with carrot, celery, and onions in a pot with water. You'll season the mixture with a bay leaf, herbs, and peppercorns. Then you bring the mixture to a boil, lower the heat and simmer, partially covered for 4-5 hours, skimming the surface the first half hour to get rid of the scum. And yes, scum is a technical cooking term. That's it! Works for pretty much any stock and it's so easy you'll never do store bought again! I've already started saving bones and leftovers in the freezer!

- Cooling: After straining the stock, you're going to need to cool it. This can be done in or out of the refrigerator but it must be uncovered. Covered stock will turn sour. You'll know you've done it right if the stock gels when it's cool (this is because of collagen in the bones) . Yay for beef jelly!!!! The fat will separate and rise to the surface and harden. Leave it there until you're ready to use it, it forms a nice little preservative seal.

Beef Stock (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 2 Tbsp cooking oil
• 4-5 lbs beef shank
• 3 carrots, sliced
• 3 onions, sliced
• 3 stalks celery, sliced
• 1 tsp dried thyme
• 1 bay leaf
• 2 sprigs parsley
• 6 crushed peppercorns
• salt

1. Preheat oven to 450. Heat the oil in a large roasting pan, add the pieces of shank and brown them in the oven, stirring, turning, moving them about frequently.
2. After about 10 minutes, add the carrots, onions, and celery to the roasting pan and let them brown, taking care they do not scorch.
3. When everything has browned, transfer it all to a stockpot.
4. Pour off the fat in the roasting pan, add a cup or so of boiling water, and scrape up all the browned bits in the pan, then pour into the stockpot.
5. Add the thyme, bay leaf, parsley, adn peppercorns and cover with 4 qts of cold water.
6. Bring the water slowly to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer very gently, partially covered for at least 4 or 5 hours, skimming off any scum that rices to the surface during the first 30 minutes.
7. Strain and cool uncovered.

What a shame

Are there certain things that you always keep on hand in your pantry? Things that you just take for granted will be there when you go to reach for them? Usually that's me with cornmeal. So when I saw the ingredients for the following recipe were butter, cornmeal, and salt I thought I was pretty much set.

And then I reached for the cornmeal. No cornmeal. Really? I began searching the baking shelf (everyone has a baking shelf right?) and pretty much emptied and reassembled it, but not cornmeal. So I pulled out the next big thing. Polenta. What kind of person has polenta but not cornmeal? This kind of person.

It worked alright as a substitute, but these corn crisps didn't get especially crispy. They were good and corny. I liked the grainier texture of the polenta, but I bet it would be nice to have a little crunch from the cornmeal. They were kinda crisp on the outside, but with a softer fluffier inside - kinda like a little corn tater tot! It's the classic case of not being able to really judge a recipe because of a substitution.

So one of these days I'll make these again. With cornmeal. Which I now have.

Corn Crisps (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 2 Tbsp butter
• 1/2 cup cornmeal
• 1/4 - 1/2 tsp salt

1. Preheat oven to 425. Butter a cookie sheet. Bring 3/4 cup water and the butter to a boil in a small pan.
2. Quickly stir in the coernmeal and salt and mix well.
3. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto the cookie sheet and bake for 10-15 minutes.

Listen to my pleas

If you know me at all, you know all about my all time favorite food - popcorn. It's probably more of an addiction than anything else. I don't go through popcorn phases. There's never a time I don't want popcorn. When people comfort me that there popcorn is one of the healthier foods to be addicted to, I confess that movie theater popcorn is my favorite, and there's nothing healthy about movie theater popcorn.

The more butter and salt, the happier I am. However, I love popcorn in all its forms and it wouldn't be very wise of me to indulge in buttery, salty popcorn at the rate I go through it. I've had a hot air popper since Jr. High and most of the time I use that. And I can eat bags of the stuff. Bags and bags. And not even feel guilty about it. Not one little bit.

And you can imagine the intense excitement/uncontrollable hysteria that I felt when I saw a popcorn recipe in The Fannie Farmer Cookbook. This, my friends, is what life is all about. More dangerous than a Maltov Cocktail is a homemade popcorn recipe. First, because it reminds you of just how easy it is to make your own popcorn. And then comes the fact that there is no question that popcorn made in oil is infinitely more delicious than popcorn made in an airpopper. And infinitely unhealthier.

Most days I am so happy to have Thatboy around to share in the ups and downs of our life together. But days when we have to share homemade popcorn, I sometimes wish I were single again.

Popcorn (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 3 Tbsp Vegetable Oil
• 1/2 cup popcorn kernels

1. Put the oil in a 4 qt heavy pot and let it heat over medium heat for 30 seconds.
2. Stir in the kernels, turning with a spoon so that they are evenly covered with oil, then spread them in one layer on the bottom of the pot.
3. Put on the cover, leaving a small air space at the edge for escaping steam.
4. As soon as the first kernel pops, move the pot gently and continuously back and forth over medium-high heat until the popping stops.

Getting very near the end

I have to say that I'm getting a little antsy with these nibble recipes. I'm ready to move on to the real stuff. And Thatboy would like a little more substantial dinner than trail mix. (I'm KIDDING! He's had plenty of Mac and cheese to tide him over.)

But when the recipe is as easy as these little snacks, I just don't feel challenged. Don't get me wrong. I love the end results, and it sure is nice to type up a recipe with less than one step. I especially love this one because of the endless uses for sugared walnuts. They're fantastic in cookies, crisps, oatmeal, yogurt, and my favorite - on salads. With some pomegranate seeds and goat cheese. oooohhhhh aaaaaahhhhh.

They also make fabulous goodies for any new neighbors you might have. Put in a festive baggie and presented with a tray full of cookies, it's enough to make anyone feel welcome.

Sugared Nuts (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 1 lb walnut halves
• 1 egg white
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon

1. Preheat the oven to 225. Beat the egg white with 1 Tbsp water and dip the nuts into it.
2. Roll them in the mixed sugar, salt, and cinnamon, spread on a cookie sheet, and bake 1 hour, stirring every 15 minutes.
3. Let cool; store in the refrigerator.

A real solution

You know how you become addicted to a certain food and eat it like it's going out of style and then a month later you complete forget about it? Maybe it's just me. Sometimes it's cottage cheese, sometimes it's pudding, but lately it's trail mix. I go through crazy trail mix phases. I've tried every single one that Trader Joes carries. I had a desk drawer dedicated to the stuff. And then all of a sudden....I just stopped being interested.

But you'll just never guess what turned up in the FF cookbook! (I know - I'm taking foreshadowing cues from Stephanie Meyer lately). And now I don't need to pillage the shelves of TJs because I can make it in about three minutes. And it's a good thing it's so quick and easy because I'm going through it in massive amounts. And I can't even kid myself that it's healthy because ummmm chocolate chips anyone? Although it's semi-sweet chocolate which is healthier than milk chocolate....... And actually in the vast scheme of things, if you're craving something sweet a couple of chocolate chips is probably the perfect solution.

Trail Mix or Gorp (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 2 cups raisins
• 3/4 cup chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup walnut pieces
• 1/4 cup cashew pieces
• 1/2 cup dried coconut

1. Toss all the ingredients together.
2. Store in an airtight jar (if you can get it that far)

You don't need me to show the way

Welcome to February! It's that favorite time of year when everyone starts asking "What are you making for Valentine's Day dinner?" And while I've never claimed to be that girl with all the answers, I'm often asked this question. For us Valentine's Day is a time to show our appreciation for each other. Thatboy shows me how much he appreciates me always putting food on the table for him by taking me out for an amazing dinner. I show my appreciation for Thatboy by not creating a mess of dishes...for me to clean up...hmmmmmmm there may be something wrong with this scenario. We did try Thatboy cooking for me one Valentine's Day, but it resulted in us drinking a handle of margaritas while we waited for a turkey breast which never cooked through. I think we were passed out asleep by 8pm. Now we go out.

If you don't cook, Valentine's Day is not the time to start (which is pretty much the moral of the raw turkey breast story). Your loved one will appreciate your efforts much more if they don't end up with food poisoning.

But if you do love cooking, Valentine's Day is a time to be a little over the top. Rich, sensuous foods that are a little indulgent are the perfect way to celebrate. And there are certain foods that have been rumored to be aphrodisiacs - which is only fitting on Valentine's Day.


We'll start with the main dish. While there are no studies or theories about a nice steak being any sort of aphrodesiac, there is something very sensual about a nice rare cut of meat. And since wine is an aphrodesiac, why not top that steak with a nice red wine sauce. Wine stimulates the senses, making both the meal and the evening more enjoyable.


Substances that "by nature" represent "seed or semen" such as bulbs, eggs, snails" were considered inherently to have sexual powers by the ancients. So throw some seeds (or seedy looking nuts) into your vegetables. Pine nuts have been used to stimulate the libido as far back as Medieval times. You could also argue that broccoli is sufficiently bulby on it's own, but pine nuts and parmesean add that extra touch.

Creamy and rich, the texture of mashed potatoes is almost silken. This is another one that isn't in any books, you'll just have to trust me. But don't eat too much because there is nothing sexy about that sluggish feeling you get after too many carbs.

The carrot has been associated with stimulation since ancient times and was used by early Middle Eastern royalty to aid seduction. Perhaps it's the phallus shape. I cook mine with some maple syrup for some added sweetness. And the sticky glaze is almost as sexy as the carrot itself.

And let's not forget about the most well known aphrodisiac - chocolate. Aztec legends referred to chocolate as "nourishment of the Gods." And there have been studies that show that chocolate effects the same neurotransmitters as sex. So it's a given that you're going to want some of this on the most commercially recognized day of the year for "love."

Late at night

Now that the mid-season shows have started, Thatboy and I have been staying up later than normal, and later than we probably should. We normally are 10:00 bedtimers. I know, we're old. I've always been old, but Thatboy only became old once he met me.

Thatboy instituted a rule that he doesn't eat after 9PM, but he usually forgets. FF's snack mixes are perfect for these late night snackings because they're easy to eat without paying attention, and they're not terribly unhealthy.

When I first started drying the orange peel, Thatboy pretty much declared that this one was going to be all mine. He didn't want any part in the potpourri. But as usually happens with Thatboy's premature declarations, once he tried some, he was hooked. His hand kept reaching the bowl over and over and over again. He even fished out the pieces of oranges to eat on their own.

The thing I'm loving about this cookbook cook-through is that I'm really getting to know all the specialty shops in my area. There's a natural food store right next to our fancy schmancy grocery store and I've never been in it, because...well...there was really no need. But this recipe's called for mixed seeds, of which even the fancy schmancy grocery store has not. And I was tempted to steal some from the neighbor's birdhouse, but goodness those things are so high off the ground! So instead I went to the natural grocery store and picked up sunflower and pumpkin seeds. And sweet tea. And some fresh fruit. I think I may be back very soon!

Raisin Nut Mix (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 2 oranges
• 1 lb salted mixed nuts
• 1/2 cup raisins
• 1/2 cup mixed seeds

1. A week before you plan to serve the mix, remove thin strips of orange peel, taking only the colored part, the zest.
2. Cut it into julienne strips and air-dry on a pie plate or a sheet of wax paper.
3. When thoroughly dried, toss with the nuts, raisins, and seeds and store in an airtight container until ready to serve.

I only want what I can get

FF places these next few recipes in with the appetizers, and they could certainly be served before dinner, but they are better classified as snacks.

These are the kind of things I could set out for guests to nibble, but I they are also things I like to keep on hand for Thatboy's hollow legs. Do your husbands have hollow legs? Because mine seems to. As soon as he gets home from work he starts eating and he doesn't stop until after dinner. Luckily, we don't keep a lot of unhealthy things around for him to snack on so he's stuck with nuts, dried fruit, and cheese - none of which are really what he's interested in.

I know I should have been warned when I brought home the container of roasted peanuts. "These are my favorite things in the whole world!" Thatboy told me. I've known him almost 9 years and this is the first time I'd ever heard of his nutty preference. I warned him they were for a recipe, because I knew otherwise they'd be gone within an afternoon. So I quickly whipped these up and passed them over. They were gone within an afternoon. Thatboy especially liked how subtle the curry flavor was. How you could just barely get an aftertaste. How it didn't overpower the taste of his supposed favorite snack food. Of course, once these were gone, the rest of the peanuts were fair game.

Curried Peanuts (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 2 cups salted peanuts
• 2 tsps curry powder

1. Preheat the oven to 300. Combine the peanuts and the curry powder in a paper bag and shake well.
2. Spread the coated peanuts in a sincle layer on a cookie sheet and bake 20 minutes, shaking once or twice during that time.

Pataphysics

By the time most of you read this, you will probably be home from whatever Superbowl party you attended (Go Steelers!). I'm sure they were filled with amazing treats, goodies, and snacks. I know ours will be. But I thought I'd share with you an appetizer we're not bringing to our party. The last of the FF appetizers and one that I would never serve to company. Frankly I was beyond nervous to serve it to Thatboy.

Thatboy is very much a germaphobe. Before he met me, he ate all of his meat as well done as it could be. He doesn't trust the oven thermometer, often coaxing me to put things back in the oven even when they are definitely cooked. I can't tell you how many times he's questioned the doneness of food. So the idea of serving him raw beef had me in near hysterics.

BUT he does love carpaccio, which is equally raw beef....not that I've ever prepared that at home, which is the sticking point here. We read every article we could find on google about the health concerns with beef tartare and the general consensus was, it's perfectly safe - as long as it comes from your butcher and not your grocer. So dear readers, PLEASE keep this in mind before trying it at home. If you wish to make steak tartare at home, go to your local butcher and let him know what you intend to do with the beef so he can be sure to give you the best and cleanest meat possible.

And would I recommend making this at home? Without a doubt. It was unbelievably delicious. Thatboy and I couldn't get over the flavor and tenderness of the meat. It tasted like steak, cooked steak, even though it wasn't. A few tenative bites turned into fights for the last spoonful.
AND neither of us got sick. Raw beef with no food poisioning? Impressive!

Beef Tartare (From The Fannie Farmer Cookbook)

• 1 lb lean ground beef (sirloin or filet)
• 1/3 cup minced onion
• 1 Tbsp capers, drained
• 4 anchovy filets, chopped fine
• 4-5 drops Tabasco
• 1 egg yolk
• salt

1. With your hands, mix the beef, onions, capers, anchovy, tabasco, and egg yolk.
2. Add salt, and put through the food processor to mix.
3. Pack into a small bowl to shape and turn it out onto a platter.